Just some conversations I’ve been having with myself over the Masters…
*Pakeha is a te reo Māori word for white/european people
TRANSCRIPT:
Panel 1:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) Who are you to write this book pakeha boy?
Sam: (A person wearing a purple, collared shirt and a slightly darker purple vest, who is sitting at a desk, facing the viewer, but looking down. Eyebrows are raised, mouth is closed, with slightly downturned edges, and there are bags under Sam’s eyes. Arms are raised slightly at the shoulders, and bent up at the elbows. One hand is drawing a comic, and the other is holding the paper still.)
Panel 2:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) What kind of self-righteous fella do you think you are?!
Sam: (A person who is sitting at a desk, facing the viewer, but looking to the side. There are two parallel lines next to Sam’s head, indicating movement. Eyebrows are raised and mouth is small and closed. Hands are by Sam’s sides, the comics still on the desk.)
Panel 3:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) You think you can write a book that covers EXPERIENCES of being QUEER in New Zealand?
Sam: (A person who is sitting at a desk, facing the viewer, but looking to the side. Sam is hunched forward slightly. Eyebrows are raised and mouth is small and closed, with slightly downturned edges. Hands are by Sam’s sides, the comics still on the desk.)
Panel 4:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) Pah. Fool. Arrogant. Asshole.
Sam: (A person who is sitting at a desk, facing the viewer, but looking down. Sam is more hunched forward than in the previous panel. Eyebrows are raised and mouth is small and closed. Hands are by Sam’s sides, the comics still on the desk.)
Panel 5:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) You’ll NEVER cover all our stories.
Sam: (A person who is sitting at a desk, facing the viewer, but looking down. Sam is even more hunched forward than in the previous panel. Eyebrows are raised slightly and mouth is small and closed. Sam and the desk are further away from the viewer, and are within a black cloud.)
Panel 6:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) There’re too many. We’re all too different.
(Now it is the Earth that is in the black cloud, with the side which has New Zealand on it facing the viewer.)
Panel 7:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) You’re better off sticking to WATCHING media- complaining about how movies and TV do a crap job representing us. You hate the ones where the queer ones get killed, or kill others. You hate the ones where they get laughed at.
(There is an unplugged, older style TV, its cord snaking below the caption, and a white line across the screen. In the middle of the white line is a small circle, surrounded by eight dashes of white. There is a word below the circle, which reads:) Bzzzzzp!
Panel 8:
(There is a caption to one side, which reads:) And you hide away in a blanket of academic language to pretend that what you’re feeling isn’t the red, hot fire of rage.
Sam: (A person who is facing the viewer, but looking down at a big, blanket-like piece of paper. Eyebrows are raised, and mouth is closed, with slightly downturned edges. Sam is wearing big, square, black-framed glasses. One arm is raised at the elbow, hand holding the big piece of paper, which is obscuring Sam’s other arm. The big piece of paper is covered in words, which read:) You hate the ones where they’re too hegemonically gendered, and perpetuate patriarchal norms and conform to the oppressive ideals of capitalism. You hate the tokenistic, stereotyping that “others” difference by making it appear flawed or unstable. You hate the fetishistic objectification that happens when queer people are depicted as sex objects
Panel 9:
(There is a caption in the centre of the panel, which reads:) You just hate.
Panel 10:
Sam: (A person who is looking directly at the viewer, with big round eyes, and a small closed mouth, which has downturned edges. There is a thought bubble emanating from Sam, with words within in that read:) So you think: “Let’s make stuff I wanna read!”
(There is a caption below Sam’s thought bubble, which reads:) Funny how it’s much harder now you’re on the flipside, aye?
Panel 11:
(The whole panel is filled with a caption, which reads:) If you write about christianity then you’re ignoring other religions. If you write about older gay men, then what about lesbians? Do you have enough bisexual representation? Are your fluid notions of sexuality biphobic? Why are most of your characters white? Why have you drawn yourself without glasses even though you wear them all the time? Why are YOU drawing their stories, anyway? Why have you employed yourself as the teller of stories? Why can’t others tell their own? What the hell do you even think you’re doing?!
Panel 12:
Sam: (A person who is facing the viewer, but from a fair bit further away than usual. Eyebrows are raised and pushed together and mouth is closed, small, and with downturned edges. Sam’s head is bent forward slightly, and shoulders are slumped.)
(There is a caption filling the rest of the panel, which reads:) When there’s a DEARTH of media about us, EVERYTHING becomes COMPROMISED.
Panel 13:
(There are two Sams in this panel.)
Foreground Sam: (A person who is looking directly at the viewer, with lowered, pushed together eyebrows and an open mouth, which has downturned edges. Sam’s head is pushed forward a little, and shoulders are raised slightly at the shoulders.) Look, I gotta TRY, right?!
Background Sam: (A person who is looking directly at the viewer, with raised eyebrows and an open mouth, which has slightly downturned edges.) Right?
Right!
totally right.
As our LGBT history has been so carefully destroyed–carefully, DELIBERATELY destroyed (and see how much confusion and ignorance THAT has caused) –you can see now how desperately important it is that those stories be told.
All of them. “They” can obliterate our stories, but they can’t make us go away. Keep up the great work. 😉
Cheers! This weekend I helped organise a queer hui (meeting/camp thing) and we were trying to name the cabins after queer heroes from history – but it was soooo hard to find information about people that celebrated (or even mentioned) their queerness. I think you’re totally right that our histories have been erased.
“Why are YOU drawing their stories anyway?”
Because we need you to. Because not enough other people are. And to be frank some of us can’t draw/write for shit so need artistically talented people such as your fine self to do it for us!
Thankyou for all your hard work.
Cheers Alana, I could try and do interpretive dances about queer stories…. but I don’t think that’d work out very well. Comics it shall be.
Right right!
emphatically right.
Absolutely right!
Everyone’s got a voice, and if people don’t want to listen they best cover their ears rather than try to shut another up!
Oh my god? This is amazing. The fact that you’re trying makes it okay though. Nobody can do everything. The best person who can tell your story is you, and so, I think you have to do that, and make allowances for the others who can one day say theirs. Or something.
I know a bit how you feel, writing about trans stuff academically myself. The thing to remember is that there is no definitive account and every project has its faults. Be clear about your parameters, acknowledge the shortcomings, and be as ethical as you can. But don’t let those voices and pressures grind you to inactivity – it is easier (for you and everyone) to work with something than with nothing.
Yeh, I think this was a way of trying to own some of the shortcomings, and to be able to acknowledge that it is inherently flawed. I will keep pressing on with it tho… ’cause sometimes working with something (even if it is problematic) is better than no visibility at all.
this is what accountability is for. you do the best you can and when you fuck up (you will fuck up, anyone would fuck up, because nobody is perfect) you own it and make amends. and trying to cover everything is impossible, the best you (or anyone) can do is point out the limitations of your work and your perspective (everyone’s perspective is limited). you’re doing it right.
Phew yes, I think it’s been really helpful to express that I know that I’m not doing it all 100% perfectly. You’re right – I can’t ever do that. No matter how nice I think it’d feel to do so. Cheers!
Why? Because we need people like you to tell stories. Of course you can’t tell EVERYONE’S stories, because that’s EVERYONE’S job to tell their own stories. You can only tell the stories in your own head, those need to be told just as much as everyone’s.
Thank you for being one of my queer internet refuges <3. I love your comics and I've been reading them for a while, the rooster one makes me want to cry (in a good way)! Living in a small town can make me and my friends feel invisible, but when I read your comics I know we're not alone! Also, thank you for giving me some unintentional education on transmen; I have a friend who's a transman and any information that will give me a better view of his situation is appreciated.
Much love from another queer storyteller!
Awww thanks sooooooo much meghan!! That’s really really wonderful and heartwarming to hear. I am very grateful
I think you’re doing great.
cheers bro!
I think about this all the time when people criticize Lady Gaga for being able bodied, white, middle class…yah yah yah. I think they can share our experiences of marginalisation, just in different ways.
You’re so on the money when you say that everything will be compromised. I reckon as long as you’re acknowledging it, you’re alright in my books 🙂
Thanks giang! You and Lady G are all right in my books too!
If it’s any help, I also draw myself without glasses, and I’ve been wearing them for years and years.
Ha! Good! I’m glad I’m not the only one!
I get this feeling. I know what it’s like to think, “what the hell right do I have to write this? What makes me think I’m qualified to talk about this?” But you know what? Just caring enough to want to make a difference, to make it better somehow, that’s what gives us the right. In fact, I’d argue that it gives us an obligation to talk about it. We can’t expect someone else to talk about our passions, right?
Right! I guess it’s just trying to find a way that does more good than not.
That’s how I felt writing our book. I wrote it anyway.
And we’re soo grateful that you did!
Please try, Sam. I need you to.
Will do.
speaking as a brown, non-binary new-zealander…. go hard white boy. 😉
and let’s not buy into the hierarchy of marginalisation, either. but that’s not to belittle the issue. i think it’s a very present issue here, and important to address. however, we can ALL only speak from the perspective given by our environment and experience. so long as you acknowledge that, and don’t claim authority over others’ experiences, you’re in the clear. and every bit of representation is a treasure. i feel acknowledged and made visible by your work…. and you’re even from the other island!!
‘heirarchy of marginalisation’ is really interesting, and I agree – seems very present here. I think it’ll be important to find ways to acknowledge that I’ll be framing the stories of others, and it’s just my interpretation. Hmmm. yes, all good things to think about.
Was cool seeing you this weekend too!
Yeah, you gotta try. It’s easier to crticise than to do.
Completely right! That is why some people are storytellers, for those who don’t or can’t tell their own story. (And besides, nothing is capable of including everything.)
I’m in my final year of secondary school, (high school), and my school makes us complete a Senior Portfolio– a 20 page research paper and art component on a global problem.
I chose discrimination against the LGBT community as my topic, and I’ve been struggling with a lot of the same things mentioned in this comic, and I think you’re right; we do have to at least try.
Thanks for the super-relatable comic, it cheered me up to know that I’m not the only one who worries about this sort of stuff.
Ah yay, great on my end to hear I’m not the only one too. Good luck with your portfolio too!
This is unrelated, but strangely I had a dream last night that I was in New Zealand, visiting you and Joe and dealing with wicked time differences. Um… Yeah.
Haha, crazy! Awesome! I hope we were good hosts to you!
Right!
hey I just wanted to clarify that technically while Pakeha is used that way in New Zealand in te reo Maori it means “those who are not of Māori blood lines” so thus is not synonymous with “white”.
Sorry to be nit-picky… still love this piece and your art… your style reminds me of a less dark and much gayer version of Jhonen Vasquez style.
Oh cheers – that’s a much clearer explanation! Thankyou. And thanks for the comparison! I looooove JTHM!
and invader zim… doomy doom DOOM!!!! Your room was and awesome room of epic awesomness!!! I was using it as my dressing room and kept looking at all your art, and movies and books and comics and all you needed to add to it to make it heaven would be some Role Playing gear….
Yay! That is so wonderful that it was a dressing room – wahoo! Role playing gear will be added next time you visit 😉
Right! And as a queer person who appreciates people who identify along a wide range of gender and sex options, absolutely add to the story!
😀
I feel you! It can be so hard making Things, things that need to be made, it opens you up to a lot of critique. It’s so much easier to critique, so thank you for being one of the makers. And echoing a lot of my own struggles.