Rooster Tails

I’m still in the process of letting people know about my transness/boyness. It’s a tricky, heart-wrenching little process that sometimes grinds me down. Sometimes I wish it could come as easily as someone stumbling across it, thus bypassing that painful “I’ve got something to tell you, and it might be a bit awkward for a while” stage. Things like the newsletter feel important to not wear myself down by worrying about people’s reactions, and make the whole process feel celebratory (which it certainly is, as well as hard). I keep telling myself that they probably all ready have an idea anyway, it’s hard to ignore the fact that I don’t look so girly no more.

I had a great moment about a year ago, after I’d been binding for almost a year, when I was shopping with a very awesome friend of mine. We’d talked about transness in an abstract way – y’know the whole “I have a friend who’s trans…” (yes, yes I did that, I thought I was being genius), introducing the topic gently, letting there be room to talk about it etc. so she was all on board with the concept. But, it can be a difficult thing to turn around to someone who’s known you for a long time and say “so I’m not so much a girl”, so I hadn’t officially told her about me.

So this friend and I were walking down the street chatting about someone’s boobs and how she wants to start a big boob brigade. She  then turns to me and says “You could join too”, and then adds “except you don’t have boobs anymore.” It was said in such a casual, upbeat, non-accusing way – just a statement of fact. I stuttered, went red, and managed to mumble something unintelligible to us both. “You don’t have to tell me” she said, “but it’s totally ok”. And that was that.

 

Sam: (A person wearing a lilac shirt and a maroon vest, who is looking at the viewer, with raised eyebrows. Mouth is open, with slightly downturned edges. One arm is raised slightly at the shoulder, and bent down at the elbow.) How do I tell old high school mates that I’m no longer a shy girl, but an awkward boy?

Panel 2:

Sam: (Looking at the viewer, with raised eyebrows. Mouth is open, with very slightly upturned edges.) How do I tell my parents I want facial hair & to walk around topless?

Panel 3:

Sam: (Looking at the viewer, eyes squinting a little, with raised eyebrows. Mouth is open, with downturned edges. One arm is by Sam’s side, bent a little out at the elbow. The other is raised horizontally at the shoulder, and bent up vertically at the elbow. The hand is open, and facing the viewer, the fingers are bent over forwards, and the thumb is pointing towards Sam’s face.) How do I tell my friends that I’m a queer boy, and not a lesbian?

Panel 4:

Sam: (Looking at the viewer, eyes squinting a little and eyebrows lowered. Mouth is open, with upturned edges. Four drops of sweat are next to Sam’s head. Shoulders are raised, arms are hanging by Sam’s sides.) I could just start a comic-blog on the internet & wait for them to find it……